so this is, almost, the new year

Ok, so for my loyal blog readers, i submit this entry, which i started on December 30th, for your consideration;

So as i have stated in the previous posts, i am sorry. I have been back in Saint Louis for a bit now but i have not found the time to update this, but today is a good day to do so.

Also last night i got to see some people that mean so much to me, Dave and Sarah Schroeder

Oh the updates i have to make.

I will start small, as for my career i have decided to make my first move, post graduate degree, to Saint Louis. Before i went to school i was working at this behemoth architectural firm, right now i don't think that is for me. I have decided to seek architectural licensure and to get a better experience at all of the facets of the profession, i want to work at a smaller-to-mid sized firm. A specialty? Right now i am interested in some residential and light commercial. I am really excited to find a mentor and begin my career. I am really exited to see where it takes me.

So then there is the school thing. My last semester was one of my personally worst [that might be harsh, there were some good things to happen]. It all began with my disappointing museum competition debacle [October]. From that point the semester had me questioning every step i took towards a degree in architecture. Let me tell you, that blows. My scenic design class went great, and my design seminar [the hanger pavilion] also was great, but my thesis drug me down. It seemed like with the misstep of the museum competition it gave me this opinion of myself like "i could not even finish this, i am not a good designer/ student/ architect" YUK. Again, what a shitty feeling to have to be feel completely incompetent at something you are supposed to be a professional [almost] at. I left Champaign with a few goals, academically, that i was not even able to complete. Sometimes i feel like i am so far behind that nothing i do can can catch me up, or get me settled with where i want to be.

Was the last month a complete loss? Yes. Ok, i am kidding. There were a few bright, glimmering amazing moments this last month, most sprang from a rekindling of a very old friendship. Over the Thanksgiving week i spent in Saint Louis, i began a relationship many years in the making. I had had a crush on Amanda Mckenney for i can't tell you how long [well i can actually point towards around 11 years, which coincides with our meeting the first few weeks of high school], after several long and boring [j/k] talks on the phone i decided it was time for our first date. I say "i decided" because i asked her chicken shit ass out, but in her defense, she didn't say no. Amanda truly is an inspiration to me, and she has her funny moments too. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be able to tell her everything i have always wanted to, and be able to show her the love i have had for her for so long. Together we are mind blowing.


So this concludes the post that has been log-jaming [industry term] my blog for a while. I will be publishing more soon. I wanted to catch you all up.

ok, so i am postponing, again

So, i have just recently finished my first semester of my year of thesis work. Whew, it has been a shit-ton of work and this is the reason that i have been slightly unavailable to blog about, well, anything.

I am sooo sorry.

In the upcoming days look for a more official update. Lots has happened, i promise.

Ok, i will be back soon ....

i like my coffee like i like my women, male

That is an old joke a good friend used to say, his name, Travis Hoffman, he is cool. If you ever meet him, tell him hello from me!

So today i am sitting at home and working on my thesis and what not. Exciting, eh? The end of the semester is rapidly approaching and every time it does i end up doing some thinking. Like why did i procrastinate so much? Yeesh.

Ok, well what am i doing here? My next week is super busy but i am looking forward to a GREAT christmas break. I have LOTS to fill you in on [job, love of my life, etc], so i promise that soon i will be updating you all.

the past week

i write this blog from my future home, Saint Louis i mean, at least i am pretty sure it will be.

This week has been a mind-blowing event. It all started with my coming home to Saint Louis for my birthday/ thanksgiving break last Friday night. On the night i got back into town i went out to dinner to celebrate. We had a lot of fun and did some talking.

Recently i have been trying to do some figuring out of what i am going to be doing after i graduate and what not. The most recent choice is that i am not going to be pursuing another graduate degree at this moment. I am going to begin looking for jobs ....

Then came Saturday, a night that will no doubt live on in my memory forever, and i'm not kidding. I went on a date, a date probably 11 years [or so] in the making.

Needless to say, the date was amazing. I am no doubt going to write more of this because this woman is very important to me.

So far it has been a great break. Minus the fact that i got a quarter of the work done that i needed to get done . . . Ohh well. It was worth it though.

a special day

Hey, it's my birthday today! Yay for me.

There is not much going on here in Champaign, but tomorrow i am heading home to Saint Louis for a great week. I am really looking forward to it, a lot, aching for it.

So, Yay. Happy Birthday to me!

the graduate school thing

So, remember all that about applying yo graduate schools? I think it stems from my want to be approved by other people. I am still going to apply, and maybe something will happen form all of this. I am really looking for more options when i graduate, but recent events have made me think that more school is unnecessary, unless it is at Wash U.

Right now i am getting my letters of recommendation written and on hold for a while. the list has been narrowed to 6, as follows;

1 - Columbia [New York, NY]
2 - University of Michigan [Ann Arbor, MI]
3 - University of Colorado [Denver, CO]
4 - Harvard University [Cambridge, MA]
5 - Washington University [Saint Louis, MO]
6 - University of California [Berkley, CA]

everyday coolness supplied today by expresso royale

So one of the awesome things about this semester has been the fact that i have had some free time. So my new thing that i love to do is go hang out in coffee shops during the middle of the day.

Today i had to deliver a computer to Krannert Center for the Performing Arts and directly across the street is an Expresso Royale [a local coffee shop, where students like myself go]. I went in and ordered a sandwich and a mocha [my usual]. The barrista making my mocha made a beautiful pattern in the foam. It was awesome. He is pretty cool. I smiled.

one of my favorite things

I LOVE the sound of laughter, I LOVE to make people laugh.

One of my favorite things to do is to have a conversation on the phone and make sure it is really weird. This way everyone around you over-hears said conversations, and laughs. I learned this technique in the office i used to work in, where no one really had much privacy, so everyone heard the conversations i had on the phone.

Today i was at my bus stop and i was being cheedy on the phone with a very dear friend and i mentioned our new term, "death chasm". I could see the prim sorority girl sitting on the bench trying not to laugh, but she was. It was great. Today, she is going to tell a great story about some weird boy at the bus stop. She may even begin to use "death chasm" in everyday speech. How great.

Maybe i am just strange. I don't say really weird things on purpose when i am on the phone, it just happens. I love it.

the most dangerous thing

So last night i discovered a feature of my car's radio it is called ASL [automatic sound levelizer]. first a little back story. In may of 2006 i bought my first new car, a 2007 Toyota Yairs, i love it. It gets ridiculous mileage, it is a zippy little standard transmission and it will last forever [i.e. its a Toyota]. The week i bought it i went on a business trip and took my owners manual with me, i read it cover to cover, i am such a dork.

Last night i was messing with my radio and found this feature called ASL. Basically what it does is raise the volume of the radio when the outdoor noise increases, usually from accelerating. So you go faster [the exterior noise increases], the radio's volume with increase. Damn, technology is wonderful.

So after i turned this feature on i found myself wanting to get caught at a stop light just so i could hear the volume of the radio increase as the light turned green. Then i found myself going from 35 to 45 just to hear the volume jump up. Then i would do it with the song.

Then i paused to think for a moment. This feature is pretty common now on new-er cars. Remember that guy you cut off lat week? Well, now think about the road rage he went through, they got angry and speed up. Now their death metal begins to turn up and they begin to pump more adrenaline, now they are even MORE aggressive. DAMN, that kind of freaks me out! It is almost a liability, i am actually surprised that no lawsuit has come out about this system yet.

It should freak you out, too. For now i will gaze in child-like awe when i speed up and my mates of state gets louder for me.

a face to a name

Have you ever picked up your cell phone when you are getting a call, notice that name and imagine the face of that person? Like they might be mad [because you haven't talked to them in months], they might be giddy [because they just text-ed you something really cheedy] or it could just be there face. Sound familiar?

I noticed the other day that when i look at peoples names when they are calling my phone i try and imagine what type of mood they are in, or what they might be calling about. Usually people call me to talk about something, i try and guess. Sometimes i know and i can imagine their look, weird eh? Sometimes i can see their urgency, their frustration their anxiety. DAMN, maybe i am telepathic. Whoa, i just blew my mind. Can i guess your card? 3 of hearts? Whoa, i am good.

laugh till i get a headache

About three weeks ago a had a huge Borders gift card so i bought the office season three. I had seen a few episodes on TV and thought it looked interesting.

So i began watching and i fell in love with it. Not only is it one of the most consistently hilarious things i have seen, it has these little incredibly beautiful emotional moments. It is truly unlike any other comedy i have seen.

I can't fully explain what makes this show the best thing ever, but trust me it is.

You should watch it sometime.

even the impenetrable have those days

So it does take a lot to get me down, this we have established. Today i was not at my best. I even was little short with some friends, shame on me.

I am not sure if it is my flip-flopping on my thesis [i.e. i am kind of at a loss for direction], or the list of impending events in my very near future or me just being run down [for seemingly to reason].

I am pretty sure it is my thesis. You know, i have thought of this before. I am GREAT at getting my plate very full of things to do. I was thinking about this earlier this semester when i was kind of bored. Even when i worked at HOK i tried to keep myself busy. I think i used that as a device for a while to keep to myself.

Wow, i just found it, I got my "second wind", emotionally. I [along with some of my fellow students] are going to, hopefully, be published in a book. This development is all thanks to Ben. It is for that pavilion i had mentioned, with the hangers, the deadline is passed so i gues i can discuss it briefly, YAY! The project we submitted rocked, and the group of people that was in our group [david, sam, blake, darren, ben and i] totally rocked as well.

Wow, pity party over, i need to get some work done. Blogging is pretty cathartic [adjective; emotionally purging].

you know its fall when ...

So this past week i had a friend visit me, the lamp post outside my bathroom window.

I know it may seem trivial but this guy reminds me what time of year it is. During the summer, the trees you see around the lamp cover it up, this past week it revealed itself to me.

Welcome back, my friend!

Yes, i do love the fall. However, in Champaign, IL, it brings its own baggage. Here in central Illinois we are entering into the "overcast" season. Not like i am really affected by SAD [seasonal affective disorder], but even i notice when i can't see the blue sky for four months. and that is usually the way it works, you don't even notice it is gone, then one day in late February/ March there is the blue sky. And that first blue sky day i usually find myself saying things like, "I am so happie today". It is pretty awesome how the sun and the sky can positively effect our moods.

Well, here is to fall. Also, Congratulations are in order to my friend Vicki, she is getting married in August, sorry ladies i already have my date to the wedding.

Also, Happy Halloween!

how you know how you use your hands

So you know what i love? Paper cuts.

Yesterday i was working with a large site plan for my thesis' first big model [ps, i am truly excited about it, for real] and i was handling some big paper.

I got in my car to leave school and as i reach into my pocket to get my car keys out, OUCH. A little sting, WTF? I look at my knuckle, a little sliver of a cut. Ok, shrug it off, don't let the big boys see you cry, OUCH. This time, the inside knuckle of my middle finger.

Do you realize how much you use your middle finger in daily life? I think things like paper cuts and mouth sores are so interesting. You never really appreciate how much you use your body until it makes you remember it is there, in this case, it puts me in pain.

Here is to you paper cuts, it is on.

standing on the shoulders

so this past week [officially starting last wednesday and ending sunday afternoon] was known to all ion my immediate family as "family week in champaign", why? Well i was blessed to be visited by my brother, Randy [wednesday to friday] then mom and dad [friday to sunday].

it is really times like this that i realize something, my family [brother, mom & dad] are really my best friends. The way things went down in the lutz house growing up was much more like a house of four roommates and not the traditional adversarial parent-child relationship, and i know that our bond as a family is stronger today because of it.

I have struggled with this for a while, is it weird that i view my family all as equals [minus the experience and age and what not]? I think it is because over our [randy and mine] years growing up our parents treated us with respect and trust. So in return we [usually, with a little bit of willful disobedience that all younger people have, now and then] treated them with respect too. So what came out of that was a love and feeling of closeness that we are so used to it is just second nature.

We do everything that you would expect best friends to do, go to movies, go to bars [soon at least], go to museums and so on. Hold on though, am i just catching on to this? Are every-one's parents their best friends? I don't think it is always the case.

i feel blessed. i love my family.

Ok, now i have some more time, sorry for the week hiatus, back to the rigor of my, whatever.

but really, the real point

Ok, i feel i had to break this into multiple parts, that last post was getting to long.

So, i had a great day and i did not let that little crap of Wal-Marts not having what i need get to me, should i have?

I mean, does that mean something? It is really difficult to get me angry/ pissed but should i get more sensitive?

Last week was rough [with work], both the hangers and my Thesis mid-term so i let some work slide until last night at very late and i was WAY not prepared for class today. I waited way to long to work on it and i felt shitty the only way to teach myself a lesson [the lesson being don't procrastinate] is to feel down about it and make this event stand out in my memory so i will remember not to do it again, right?

In an unrelated event, I missed my first deadline ever this semester, i mean really missed it. I was involved in a design competition at my university and i really screwed up my time management and tried to redesign my project in 5 days and as a result i could not even submit for the competition. I spent most of September working on this project, changed it at the last moment and then could not complete it. How did i deal with it? Just shrugged it off and have not touched it yet.

Part of me is very glad that i can let that go but i also want to pissed at myself for not doing what i had set out to do. ARGH! Don't get me wrong i was/ am pretty disappointed in myself for not submitting.

This semester has been really awakening [i know that might be getting repetitive, but it is true]. I have made several revelations about design in general and most of them have not even come from my architecture work this semester, all from my scenic design class. I love every person that is in that room every tuesday and thursday, i miss theatre so much. Oh god, am i in the wrong field? What a question, right? 6 months from graduating with my masters. . .

But, i digress.

So i am going to try something this week. I did not perform up to my standards today in my class so i am going to try and punish myself [not sure how yet]. We will see how this goes. I am going to go and shower and do some work.

my sunday, and how to make me happie

so, do you ever have those days when you feel nothing can bring you down? Even though you probably should be pissed or irked, you aren't? Well it was Sunday for me.

I woke up and i was in a pretty decent mood. I knew i was going to be driving to Clinton, Illinois for a Wal-Mart trip [more to follow] so i got up and decided i would spend some time cleaning up my apartment so i started iTunes and began to clean.

Everything was going well and then this song came on [i am listening to it again], "ladyflash" by The GO! Team. I hesitated for a second then burst into some sort of sublime uninhibited body moving. The song just drove my body crazy [in a great way] and i was dancing. I was literally unable to wipe the grin off my face for a good hour [swear to god].

So i got in my car and began to drive, 35 min west to Clinton, get there and had no hangers [Ok, so i am working on a group project in which we are using a 'mundane' material to construct a pavilion and the specific plastic hanger we need is only sold at Wal-Mart, but we need like 1000 of them, so we decided to spilt up and drive to different local Wal-Marts, i choose west]. Know what? Did not bring me down. I got in my car and drove the 20 minutes to Decatur. First Super-Store Wal-Mart, nothing. Drove another 10 minutes to Decatur Wal-Mart #2 and i found a pretty decent stash [200 hangers].

So the moral of the story is though is that i remained completely unstressed/ irritated. It was great. Then i drove 45 minutes back to Champaign and worked with my group till about 1am building a structure of hangers.

I had a great day, thank you, The GO! Team.


Don't believe the song will make you crap your pants it is so happie? Watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lT2Tq2rC9I

BTW - if any of you are in Champaign-Urbana and want to see our plastic hanger pavilion, come by Temple Hoyne Buell Hall and look in the atrium. Since it is a competition [secrecy and what not], i will post some pictures when the submission deadline passes.

i've found my... she's so far... she makes my head ...

This blog goes out to a special friend. Definitely one of the coolest, and most attractive i have met during my stay here in Champaign-Urbana. I am glad i know you and i really do want to hang out, even if that's all, you are great. This quote is for you....

I found my Soldier Girl
She's so far away
She makes my head spin around

I hope i see you around more.

my editor called, i was fired

Wow, i was so gung-ho about this blog a day for a week thing, DAMN! Ok so here we go, i am going to flake out on the challenge i set for myself.

What about next week? Welcome to the window into my life. This semester has been so weird. I mean i know some things have changed for me but i feel like my will to learn is gone, is that weird? Before, i had emily to talk to everyday and tell her all the things i was learning, now i don't. She was actually interested, i am was excited to talk to her on the phone at night when i learned something new. I mean i know i am learning new things everyday, and i am going along like i did last year but not it seems different. I enjoyed reporting to her, was i going to school to for someone else?

I knew that emily was one of the driving forces, she gave me so much confidence in myself to go out and get more education, i know she helped me more than i told her get through my first year. I know i am doing this for me, and i am committed to doing this and i am still excited about it, but it was so nice to share it with someone.

Is the someone my blog? What an idea! I guess i can try that, but it kind of seems like the prospect of talking to a brick wall, hmm, who knows.

Ok, well i am a few days behind, i am not quiting, again.

what if i was paid to blog

Ok, so what if i was paid to make a new entry everyday? I hear about all of these people who blog everyday, hmm. I usually wait to blog because i am dealing with an issue and don't blog because i can't put the feelings/ thoughts into words. One of the tactics i learned while trying to solve a design problem is just to brainstorm, read design theory, basically just "free write", draw, whatever. I don't blog like that, weird.

here is an experiment, i am going to try it for a week. Maybe multiple ones a day, who knows, maybe something special maybe something profound, all of my regulars [if there are some], will get to see.

Here is a run-down of what i will be working on this week;
1- My thesis mid-term is this upcoming Friday, lots of work here
2- Research presentation on my new show in my scene design class, Oedipus
3- I need to seek out some professors about letters of recommendations
4- I was denied residence in Illinois because they suck, i am going to appeal
5- free write, blog sessions.

Wow, what a week, eh? Here goes! Yay for Mondays!

ps - the trailer for "Sweeney Todd" came out this past week, watch it and wait!, double yay!
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809834155/video/4367764/standardformat/

my school list, final

Ok, so this represents the final list of schools i am going to apply to for my Masters of Urban Design. The three with the "++" represent the ones that i deem to be my favorites.

++01. Columbia University [New York, NY]
++02. University of Michigan [Ann Arbor, MI]
++03. University of Colorado [Denver, CO]
04. Harvard University [Cambridge, MA]
05. Washington University [Saint Louis, MO]
06. University of California [Berkeley, CA]
07. University of Arizona [Tucson, AZ]
08. University of Toronto [Toronto, Ontario]
09. Kent State University [Kent, OH]
10. University of Texas at Austin [Austin, TX]

Now i just have to find people to write those recommendation letters, get the applications in order and get that portfolio ready. I am looking forward to the application process, even thought i know it will take several months and be very nerve raking, i am still looking forward to it!

from the guest bedroom, in saint louis

The weekend i drove into Saint Louis, yay! I came into to see a very dear friend of mine act in a show, Corlene, her name is Nicole. The show was fantastic, i went with my brother, Randy and his friend Colin.

I think my favorite part of the weekend was hanging out after the show in my [parent's] backyard with Nicole, Randy and Colin. We just sat in the back and made s'mores and told stories, it was great, we all laughed.

Again making me nostalgic for Saint Louis, my family and my friends. So even though i am really excited for the rest of the semester i am also pretty excited to be back in Saint Louis for the Christmas holiday. I am excited about working at HOK this Christmas and excited about finding my next list of schools to apply to. I am excited at new prospects.

girls; part deux

so the more i think, i think i am better for not being an "expert" at reading things like the way girls look at you. I mean, if it was my job, if i were some sort of person that men paid to test the affections of thier spouse i would have to be good at it. But what is the point for a guy to get really fine developed skills of reading or understanding how to meet women?

It seems like you only have a fintie time to use those skills, if you use them all your life you obviously have not found that one person who can thrill you. You know?

school list, V2 (of many)

Ok, here is the revised-list of schools i am looking at, there are 13; no particular order

- Harvard University [Cambridge, MA]
- Columbia University [New York, NY]
- University of Pennsylvania [Philadelphia, PA]
- University of Texas at Austin [Austin, TX]
- Yale University [New Haven, CT]
- Washington University in St. Louis [Saint Louis, MO]
- University of Michigan [Ann Arbor, MI]
- University of California Berkeley [Berkeley, CA]
- Carnegie Mellon [Pittsburgh, PA]
- Kent State University [Kent, OH]
- University of Colorado [Denver, CO]
- University of Arizona [Tuscon, AZ]
- Pratt Institute [New York, NY]

I met with a man who's opinion matters to me in Urban Design issues and he helped me realize that i do want to pursue a degree in Urban Design. So now, i narrow the field down to maybe 10 or 8, look deeper into their programs, and retake the GRE (ICK!!!), Wish me luck! I also have to ask my letter of recomendation writers!!! Oh yeah and a re-vamped portfolio. DAMN!

If i did not cut this list down, application fees alone would be $785, DAMN, just a fun fact!

girls

So a few weeks ago i was walking along the street. i have had it pounded into my head that i am supposed to be on alert for women, but are women on alert for dudes? Or are they just going some place?

So a girl is walking down the street, she is wearing something low cut, is she looking for someone to notice her and talk to her and form a a relationship? Or simply walking down the street with something slutty on that she thinks is fashionable? When she puts on that top, does she think that "today the man of my dreams will notice my chest and ask me out"? If not, where do people meet people?

I have also wandered this, but then i realized when you meet someone new it is not about getting into the sack with that person, right? It is about finding a new person that you can get to know.

what prompted this? well there is a girl i like in a class i have. i look for "signals", and then a bit ago i realized something, i am actually here to learn and so is she. She mostly likely is not giving off any signals because she is thinking about class, is that right? Because i can only do one at a time, i think, but that is due to the male's mind not being able to multi-task.

So when i walk around campus now, after this epiphany, i don't notice near as many girls then i used to. I just figure they are all here to learn anyway and not looking for a boyfriend, right?

Or, am i putting to much emphasis on the boyfriend/ girlfriend aspect of it? DAMN! Like i told you before, confusing mind-dump blogging, brought to you by my crazy inner-monologue.

the school list

Ok, here is the long-list of schools i am looking at, there are 16; no particular order

- Harvard University [Cambridge, MA]
- University of Cincinnati [Cincinnati, OH]
- University of Virginia [Charlottesville, VA]
- Columbia University [New York, NY]
- University of Pennsylvania [Philadelphia, PA]
- University of Texas at Austin [Austin, TX]
- Massachusetts Institute of Technology [Cambridge, MA]
- Yale University [New Haven, CT]
- Washington University in St. Louis [Saint Louis, MO]
- University of Washington Seattle [Seattle, WA]
- University of Michigan [Ann Arbor, MI]
- University of Kansas [Lawrence, KS]
- University of California Berkeley [Berkeley, CA]
- Carnegie Mellon [Pittsburgh, PA]
- Savannah College of Art and Design [Atlanta, GA]
- Kent State University [Kent, OH]

a side note

I think most of these don't make sense, but like i have said before, it is more about me getting my thoughts out.

A lot of my thoughts in that state don't make a lot of sense, stream on consciousness stuff, you know?

So, maybe that might help decipher.

a 'this american life' sunday

So during my hours of driving down to bowling green the past two years i had been listening to a lot of my "This American Life" podcasts. Those of you who don't know this show, it tells the story of the "common man", most end up being a little somber, ok almost all of them do.

For the last few months, since my break up, i was unable to listen to the show. It seemed like the empathy required to listen to these stories about other peoples sadness is something i was missing.

Today i drove to my bank (a mere 50 miles away from my apartment, damn champaign) and had some time to kill. I picked up my ipod and flipped to the podcasts. Today i finally felt comfortable to be sad. After we broke up i was sad, something i had grown with was gone, like a band-aid rip gone. But today i have reached that next stage in recovery from breaking up, i think.

I guess when i was with her, i knew i could share that but before today it seemed like i was alone and it might be to hard to listen, like it would over come me with emotion and today i felt more in control.

It feels good to feel.

graduate school take two

Ok, that title might be mis-leading i did not quit school and now i am looking to get back, no the case. No, part of my original plan when i left HOK/ Saint Louis was to get a dual masters degree.

I knew that an advanced degree was in my future, a masters of architecture, which i am currently enrolled in right now and will graduate in may of 2008. I also had my eye on expanding my architectural knowledge by also pursing a degree in urban planning/ design.

So the blog title refers to me beginning my search for schools, again. However i feel now, i know so much more. More about myself, more about my talents, about what i am looking for, etc. I am very much looking forward to this process. Last time i was super nervous. I have never had a great confidence in my skills, mostly because they were never fully tested or explored. This past year has definitely pushed me to use parts of me i did not know i had.

So now i have a chip on my shoulder, but i have confidence so i am going to begin to do some research on schools like Harvard, Columbia, Carnegie Mellon, etc. Am i scared? Yes, but i really want to be the best i can be.

So stay tuned, I think i will be applying to 8 schools. I will keep anyone interested, informed.

blog of the rant?

Has this blog place become a place to rant? Not blogs in general, just mine. It seems i have not been compelled to make a blog over the past few weeks, whats up with that?

Truth be told,. i have been pretty busy, but in a good way. Last weekend, for instance i went to Chicago to hang out with one of the best people ever, we will call her Maria, since that is her name. She is wonderful and let me stay at her apartment.

Then i saw a show by my best friend Dave's (and Andy's) theatre company, Thunder and Lightning Ensemble, which was GREAT. First time to see full frontal nudity on stage. as well One bad thing did happen that night, all due to myself; i met this beautiful girl who sat next to me and i did not ask for her number, or ask what she was doing later, etc. It was mostly the as soon as she walked away i realized i might never see her again type of sucking. I even think i felt a connection, and on the surface she seemed awesome, i should have gone to a bar with her, damn me. Oh well, i guess you live and learn. My lesson, when a hot girl starts a conversation with you, make out with her.

So now, i am about to go home to saint louis, only in a few hours. They Might Be Giants, await, as well as family, friends, etc. I am looking forward to it. I am also going to visit my three thesis sites, see i am an architecture graduate student, more later, so since i am going to be near the art museum i am going to visit for a few hours. I am thinking though that i will have to enter via a secret passage since i am trying to avoid someone there, strange. I miss the art museum. It seems that after whatever happened, happened i missed the place i should avoid even more, weird right? We always want what we cant have, damn.

The point of this, was to say i wonder why i started my blog? I think i know why though, to have the ear to talk to that i feel i have been for many, many people. I think that makes sense. Is that why everyone starts a blog? To say everything that social graces will not allow you to say, or to be selfish and say what you want with no filter? The best thing about the blog is that anyone can listen, or no one, that is sooo beautiful. The blog is art.

the town that closes at 10pm

If anyone who reads this make any type of decisions in Champaign, LISTEN UP! I come from Saint Louis, not like it is a megalopolis but come on. I used to certain things, like all night fast food. WTF? When i leave the studio at 1am - 4am i want some fast food that will shorten my lifespan and inspire thoughts of exercise in my head. What is a boy to do? Am i looking in the wrong place? Don't get me wrong i love hot dogs in my toaster oven, but COME ON!!!

I know a lot of people come from the Chicago-Land area down here, how weird must they feel? the town shuts down sooo early. Hmm. We are on a freaking HUGE college campus, is there no market for all night places?

"People need to study and sleep, they don't need to be up all night". Bull shit.

Illinois, you let me down. Ok, maybe that was harsh.

by myself

So, here i sit, for the second night in a row at Aroma, an absolutely cool little coffee place in downtown champaign. Is it weird that i am here by myself?

I knew when i came back to school this semester i was going to do some thing differently, like try to meet more people, try to hang out more, etc. But after a few nights of this i think i actually do like this. Just being here by myself. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE (all caps) to hang out with people, i LOVE to interact with people, i LOVE to make people laugh, i LOVE to laugh, i LOVE people, i LOVE to talk.

BUT, i also love to hang out with myself, chill out, wind down. And i figure the more time i spend at places i like to be at, the better chances i will have of finding people who love doing the same things.

Sometimes over the past week i have felt a little lame about not hanging out with anyone inparticular but i should not feel lame. I just got out of a pretty serious relationship and i think i am just taking sometime to really find myself again. It is kind of a funny cliche, but getting to know yourself is REALLY important, "Know they self", thanks Oracle.

This is really important. Right now, i am not sure if there is someone that i know that would sit here with me (in town at least) and listen to how i am getting to know myself again. But the reason i started this blog was to not only let who ever wants to listen, listen, but to also work out what i am going through.

So thanks for listening!

on that smoking thing

I did not start smoking, it is kind of ridiculous. Sure i will endulge every now and then, but frequently? Not for me.

I enjoy my deep inhales.

I just need to work out a bit now and get my body in the same shape my mind is.

my time has begun, again

So i am sitting in champaign with half of my belongings still in my car. It was a sad event leaving the family today after spending my nights and days with them for the summer. I am sure it may be a rough few days getting acclimated to champaign again but i know everything will go smooth.

I did enjoy my summer, i learned so much about myself. I am eager to get into school, again. I am eager to use my time in champaign to it's fullest. I am eager to meet new people. I am ready for a great year!

today is the day

So based on me making my own life hell for this week, i have decided to end my life prematurely. nothing like suicide, i am going to start smoking tonight, which will shorten my life, prematurely.

i am mixed right now. i am not sure if this schedule is based on the profession, the people around me or is it something like i just love doing it to myself.

i need to think about this.

from the desk of a failed blogger

So last year, about this time i had the bright idea to start this. It failed. Now i am about to go back to school for my second, and last year of my Masters degree. Over the summer my life has taken some interesting turns, and i feel as if i have grown. However, while i have grown i am having trouble finding people to confide in, maybe this will change. If not, i will be confiding in you, whoever you are. There is something so beautiful about me writing about my feelings and then someone, completely unrelated or with no knowledge of me can read it and hopefully share what i am going through or offer advise, which i need, constantly.

i am not saying that this blog will not fall victim to the same fate as my last, but i am going to try and keep everything going.

i hope you find commonality in our experiences and write if you feel inclined.