code name; dick nower

So for some reason i just saw that a good friend commented on a blog of mine a while back. Nick Dower. What a great guy. I think he is the most successful person i know.

I will try to keep the updates regular. Now i have to catch up on your blog.

the idle mind

i know i have talked about this before, or if not i have been meaning to.

that phrase, the idle mind is the devil's playground. It seems kind of deceptive, i think the mind might just be the devil's playground.

it is hard to put a frame on what exactly made me feel so conflicted tonight but it sucks. There are these times where i can find a reason for any path life will take me in, good or bad. It is almost like i sit at home and play out every situation in my head, some are horrible and disturbing and lonely and sad. Some of these thoughts are decent ones, i do have those. But sometimes there is a middle ground and i don't know where things fall. I am still unsure where things are going or how i feel about some things, or how i should feel. blurg.

it is those doubt thoughts that are the worst i think. They prove to be the most ambiguous. Since i can not see the eventual positive or negative it is hard to categorize them. I think these are the feelings that make me feel lost. Doubting everything that i have done/ am doing/ about to do. DAMN.

oh look, i got new shoes.

hello!

Right now i am a time crunch [i.e. why there have been no posts for the last couple days], and I have some crazy deadlines. I will return soon to talk about my Thesis, my career/ life goals and my girlfriend.

Yay!

valentines day

Oh yeah. This past week was Valentines day right? Notice that? I capitalized "Valentines" day, i don't even capitalize my own name but this day [weekend] should be [and definitely will be] remembered forever.

Where to start?

Well on Valentines day, i had sent flowers to arrive at Amanda's work in the morning. Luckily she was there and it was completely a surprise, not only to her, but also to the driver whom she mauled. We talked throughout the day, all things cheedy. The thing that completely did suck is that i had to spend Valentines day in Champaign while my love was in Saint Louis. We lamented about the two of us soon being in the same city. I came into town the next day and we hugged and kissed like we had not seen each other in weeks. We went to see a play with one of my oldest friends, Dave. The most important part of the night was that i got to sit next to her all night long, hold her hand and just be close to her . . .

Saturday was the day that i had been waiting so long for. A lazy day to wake up and lounge around with Amanda and Max. Granted, we both had to get up and get things done in the morning, but by 1 we were napping on the couch. It was great.

We went to dinner after we exchanged presents [most of which i can not mention]. We went to dinner and had drinks afterward. It was so great.

I feel like my story kind of petered out near the end, but i realized that a lot of the stuff that made Valentines so great is stuff that i can't really put into words.

Valentines day was great, for everything i could tell you about and everything that i could not tell you about. I am so excited to be moving soon, the cold that i feel in central illinois can only be warmed by one person.

a new place to work

So, you want to hear something funny? It is 12 degrees here in Champaign, Illinois [where i go to school] and my building lost it's heat 5 days ago. DAMN.

Last night people were sitting in studio working with coats on, that is crazy. So this today i got up and my thesis advisor mailed me to say he was not going to be at school to meet this morning, score! I have errands i needed to run anyway, number one; change my freakin oil. I am about 2,000 miles over, yikes!!

Anyway, so i got here and they told me it would be about two hours. So i pulled out my laptop and started working, this place is pretty nice! Last time i was here they mentioned that i should bring work to-do while i waited, this time i did. I might come back here later tonight to work, who knows! Who knew.

This was lame. It is ok.

a great blog

Ok, so right now i am deeply entrenched in work on my thesis, so this post is short and something i just recently came across.

I know you all will enjoy it.


Stuff White People Like
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

[they are great. BTW, #34 - Architecture also #64 - Recycling]

so this is, almost, the new year

Ok, so for my loyal blog readers, i submit this entry, which i started on December 30th, for your consideration;

So as i have stated in the previous posts, i am sorry. I have been back in Saint Louis for a bit now but i have not found the time to update this, but today is a good day to do so.

Also last night i got to see some people that mean so much to me, Dave and Sarah Schroeder

Oh the updates i have to make.

I will start small, as for my career i have decided to make my first move, post graduate degree, to Saint Louis. Before i went to school i was working at this behemoth architectural firm, right now i don't think that is for me. I have decided to seek architectural licensure and to get a better experience at all of the facets of the profession, i want to work at a smaller-to-mid sized firm. A specialty? Right now i am interested in some residential and light commercial. I am really excited to find a mentor and begin my career. I am really exited to see where it takes me.

So then there is the school thing. My last semester was one of my personally worst [that might be harsh, there were some good things to happen]. It all began with my disappointing museum competition debacle [October]. From that point the semester had me questioning every step i took towards a degree in architecture. Let me tell you, that blows. My scenic design class went great, and my design seminar [the hanger pavilion] also was great, but my thesis drug me down. It seemed like with the misstep of the museum competition it gave me this opinion of myself like "i could not even finish this, i am not a good designer/ student/ architect" YUK. Again, what a shitty feeling to have to be feel completely incompetent at something you are supposed to be a professional [almost] at. I left Champaign with a few goals, academically, that i was not even able to complete. Sometimes i feel like i am so far behind that nothing i do can can catch me up, or get me settled with where i want to be.

Was the last month a complete loss? Yes. Ok, i am kidding. There were a few bright, glimmering amazing moments this last month, most sprang from a rekindling of a very old friendship. Over the Thanksgiving week i spent in Saint Louis, i began a relationship many years in the making. I had had a crush on Amanda Mckenney for i can't tell you how long [well i can actually point towards around 11 years, which coincides with our meeting the first few weeks of high school], after several long and boring [j/k] talks on the phone i decided it was time for our first date. I say "i decided" because i asked her chicken shit ass out, but in her defense, she didn't say no. Amanda truly is an inspiration to me, and she has her funny moments too. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be able to tell her everything i have always wanted to, and be able to show her the love i have had for her for so long. Together we are mind blowing.


So this concludes the post that has been log-jaming [industry term] my blog for a while. I will be publishing more soon. I wanted to catch you all up.

ok, so i am postponing, again

So, i have just recently finished my first semester of my year of thesis work. Whew, it has been a shit-ton of work and this is the reason that i have been slightly unavailable to blog about, well, anything.

I am sooo sorry.

In the upcoming days look for a more official update. Lots has happened, i promise.

Ok, i will be back soon ....

i like my coffee like i like my women, male

That is an old joke a good friend used to say, his name, Travis Hoffman, he is cool. If you ever meet him, tell him hello from me!

So today i am sitting at home and working on my thesis and what not. Exciting, eh? The end of the semester is rapidly approaching and every time it does i end up doing some thinking. Like why did i procrastinate so much? Yeesh.

Ok, well what am i doing here? My next week is super busy but i am looking forward to a GREAT christmas break. I have LOTS to fill you in on [job, love of my life, etc], so i promise that soon i will be updating you all.

the past week

i write this blog from my future home, Saint Louis i mean, at least i am pretty sure it will be.

This week has been a mind-blowing event. It all started with my coming home to Saint Louis for my birthday/ thanksgiving break last Friday night. On the night i got back into town i went out to dinner to celebrate. We had a lot of fun and did some talking.

Recently i have been trying to do some figuring out of what i am going to be doing after i graduate and what not. The most recent choice is that i am not going to be pursuing another graduate degree at this moment. I am going to begin looking for jobs ....

Then came Saturday, a night that will no doubt live on in my memory forever, and i'm not kidding. I went on a date, a date probably 11 years [or so] in the making.

Needless to say, the date was amazing. I am no doubt going to write more of this because this woman is very important to me.

So far it has been a great break. Minus the fact that i got a quarter of the work done that i needed to get done . . . Ohh well. It was worth it though.

a special day

Hey, it's my birthday today! Yay for me.

There is not much going on here in Champaign, but tomorrow i am heading home to Saint Louis for a great week. I am really looking forward to it, a lot, aching for it.

So, Yay. Happy Birthday to me!

the graduate school thing

So, remember all that about applying yo graduate schools? I think it stems from my want to be approved by other people. I am still going to apply, and maybe something will happen form all of this. I am really looking for more options when i graduate, but recent events have made me think that more school is unnecessary, unless it is at Wash U.

Right now i am getting my letters of recommendation written and on hold for a while. the list has been narrowed to 6, as follows;

1 - Columbia [New York, NY]
2 - University of Michigan [Ann Arbor, MI]
3 - University of Colorado [Denver, CO]
4 - Harvard University [Cambridge, MA]
5 - Washington University [Saint Louis, MO]
6 - University of California [Berkley, CA]

everyday coolness supplied today by expresso royale

So one of the awesome things about this semester has been the fact that i have had some free time. So my new thing that i love to do is go hang out in coffee shops during the middle of the day.

Today i had to deliver a computer to Krannert Center for the Performing Arts and directly across the street is an Expresso Royale [a local coffee shop, where students like myself go]. I went in and ordered a sandwich and a mocha [my usual]. The barrista making my mocha made a beautiful pattern in the foam. It was awesome. He is pretty cool. I smiled.

one of my favorite things

I LOVE the sound of laughter, I LOVE to make people laugh.

One of my favorite things to do is to have a conversation on the phone and make sure it is really weird. This way everyone around you over-hears said conversations, and laughs. I learned this technique in the office i used to work in, where no one really had much privacy, so everyone heard the conversations i had on the phone.

Today i was at my bus stop and i was being cheedy on the phone with a very dear friend and i mentioned our new term, "death chasm". I could see the prim sorority girl sitting on the bench trying not to laugh, but she was. It was great. Today, she is going to tell a great story about some weird boy at the bus stop. She may even begin to use "death chasm" in everyday speech. How great.

Maybe i am just strange. I don't say really weird things on purpose when i am on the phone, it just happens. I love it.

the most dangerous thing

So last night i discovered a feature of my car's radio it is called ASL [automatic sound levelizer]. first a little back story. In may of 2006 i bought my first new car, a 2007 Toyota Yairs, i love it. It gets ridiculous mileage, it is a zippy little standard transmission and it will last forever [i.e. its a Toyota]. The week i bought it i went on a business trip and took my owners manual with me, i read it cover to cover, i am such a dork.

Last night i was messing with my radio and found this feature called ASL. Basically what it does is raise the volume of the radio when the outdoor noise increases, usually from accelerating. So you go faster [the exterior noise increases], the radio's volume with increase. Damn, technology is wonderful.

So after i turned this feature on i found myself wanting to get caught at a stop light just so i could hear the volume of the radio increase as the light turned green. Then i found myself going from 35 to 45 just to hear the volume jump up. Then i would do it with the song.

Then i paused to think for a moment. This feature is pretty common now on new-er cars. Remember that guy you cut off lat week? Well, now think about the road rage he went through, they got angry and speed up. Now their death metal begins to turn up and they begin to pump more adrenaline, now they are even MORE aggressive. DAMN, that kind of freaks me out! It is almost a liability, i am actually surprised that no lawsuit has come out about this system yet.

It should freak you out, too. For now i will gaze in child-like awe when i speed up and my mates of state gets louder for me.

a face to a name

Have you ever picked up your cell phone when you are getting a call, notice that name and imagine the face of that person? Like they might be mad [because you haven't talked to them in months], they might be giddy [because they just text-ed you something really cheedy] or it could just be there face. Sound familiar?

I noticed the other day that when i look at peoples names when they are calling my phone i try and imagine what type of mood they are in, or what they might be calling about. Usually people call me to talk about something, i try and guess. Sometimes i know and i can imagine their look, weird eh? Sometimes i can see their urgency, their frustration their anxiety. DAMN, maybe i am telepathic. Whoa, i just blew my mind. Can i guess your card? 3 of hearts? Whoa, i am good.

laugh till i get a headache

About three weeks ago a had a huge Borders gift card so i bought the office season three. I had seen a few episodes on TV and thought it looked interesting.

So i began watching and i fell in love with it. Not only is it one of the most consistently hilarious things i have seen, it has these little incredibly beautiful emotional moments. It is truly unlike any other comedy i have seen.

I can't fully explain what makes this show the best thing ever, but trust me it is.

You should watch it sometime.

even the impenetrable have those days

So it does take a lot to get me down, this we have established. Today i was not at my best. I even was little short with some friends, shame on me.

I am not sure if it is my flip-flopping on my thesis [i.e. i am kind of at a loss for direction], or the list of impending events in my very near future or me just being run down [for seemingly to reason].

I am pretty sure it is my thesis. You know, i have thought of this before. I am GREAT at getting my plate very full of things to do. I was thinking about this earlier this semester when i was kind of bored. Even when i worked at HOK i tried to keep myself busy. I think i used that as a device for a while to keep to myself.

Wow, i just found it, I got my "second wind", emotionally. I [along with some of my fellow students] are going to, hopefully, be published in a book. This development is all thanks to Ben. It is for that pavilion i had mentioned, with the hangers, the deadline is passed so i gues i can discuss it briefly, YAY! The project we submitted rocked, and the group of people that was in our group [david, sam, blake, darren, ben and i] totally rocked as well.

Wow, pity party over, i need to get some work done. Blogging is pretty cathartic [adjective; emotionally purging].

you know its fall when ...

So this past week i had a friend visit me, the lamp post outside my bathroom window.

I know it may seem trivial but this guy reminds me what time of year it is. During the summer, the trees you see around the lamp cover it up, this past week it revealed itself to me.

Welcome back, my friend!

Yes, i do love the fall. However, in Champaign, IL, it brings its own baggage. Here in central Illinois we are entering into the "overcast" season. Not like i am really affected by SAD [seasonal affective disorder], but even i notice when i can't see the blue sky for four months. and that is usually the way it works, you don't even notice it is gone, then one day in late February/ March there is the blue sky. And that first blue sky day i usually find myself saying things like, "I am so happie today". It is pretty awesome how the sun and the sky can positively effect our moods.

Well, here is to fall. Also, Congratulations are in order to my friend Vicki, she is getting married in August, sorry ladies i already have my date to the wedding.

Also, Happy Halloween!

how you know how you use your hands

So you know what i love? Paper cuts.

Yesterday i was working with a large site plan for my thesis' first big model [ps, i am truly excited about it, for real] and i was handling some big paper.

I got in my car to leave school and as i reach into my pocket to get my car keys out, OUCH. A little sting, WTF? I look at my knuckle, a little sliver of a cut. Ok, shrug it off, don't let the big boys see you cry, OUCH. This time, the inside knuckle of my middle finger.

Do you realize how much you use your middle finger in daily life? I think things like paper cuts and mouth sores are so interesting. You never really appreciate how much you use your body until it makes you remember it is there, in this case, it puts me in pain.

Here is to you paper cuts, it is on.