the idle mind

i know i have talked about this before, or if not i have been meaning to.

that phrase, the idle mind is the devil's playground. It seems kind of deceptive, i think the mind might just be the devil's playground.

it is hard to put a frame on what exactly made me feel so conflicted tonight but it sucks. There are these times where i can find a reason for any path life will take me in, good or bad. It is almost like i sit at home and play out every situation in my head, some are horrible and disturbing and lonely and sad. Some of these thoughts are decent ones, i do have those. But sometimes there is a middle ground and i don't know where things fall. I am still unsure where things are going or how i feel about some things, or how i should feel. blurg.

it is those doubt thoughts that are the worst i think. They prove to be the most ambiguous. Since i can not see the eventual positive or negative it is hard to categorize them. I think these are the feelings that make me feel lost. Doubting everything that i have done/ am doing/ about to do. DAMN.

oh look, i got new shoes.