even the impenetrable have those days

So it does take a lot to get me down, this we have established. Today i was not at my best. I even was little short with some friends, shame on me.

I am not sure if it is my flip-flopping on my thesis [i.e. i am kind of at a loss for direction], or the list of impending events in my very near future or me just being run down [for seemingly to reason].

I am pretty sure it is my thesis. You know, i have thought of this before. I am GREAT at getting my plate very full of things to do. I was thinking about this earlier this semester when i was kind of bored. Even when i worked at HOK i tried to keep myself busy. I think i used that as a device for a while to keep to myself.

Wow, i just found it, I got my "second wind", emotionally. I [along with some of my fellow students] are going to, hopefully, be published in a book. This development is all thanks to Ben. It is for that pavilion i had mentioned, with the hangers, the deadline is passed so i gues i can discuss it briefly, YAY! The project we submitted rocked, and the group of people that was in our group [david, sam, blake, darren, ben and i] totally rocked as well.

Wow, pity party over, i need to get some work done. Blogging is pretty cathartic [adjective; emotionally purging].

you know its fall when ...

So this past week i had a friend visit me, the lamp post outside my bathroom window.

I know it may seem trivial but this guy reminds me what time of year it is. During the summer, the trees you see around the lamp cover it up, this past week it revealed itself to me.

Welcome back, my friend!

Yes, i do love the fall. However, in Champaign, IL, it brings its own baggage. Here in central Illinois we are entering into the "overcast" season. Not like i am really affected by SAD [seasonal affective disorder], but even i notice when i can't see the blue sky for four months. and that is usually the way it works, you don't even notice it is gone, then one day in late February/ March there is the blue sky. And that first blue sky day i usually find myself saying things like, "I am so happie today". It is pretty awesome how the sun and the sky can positively effect our moods.

Well, here is to fall. Also, Congratulations are in order to my friend Vicki, she is getting married in August, sorry ladies i already have my date to the wedding.

Also, Happy Halloween!

how you know how you use your hands

So you know what i love? Paper cuts.

Yesterday i was working with a large site plan for my thesis' first big model [ps, i am truly excited about it, for real] and i was handling some big paper.

I got in my car to leave school and as i reach into my pocket to get my car keys out, OUCH. A little sting, WTF? I look at my knuckle, a little sliver of a cut. Ok, shrug it off, don't let the big boys see you cry, OUCH. This time, the inside knuckle of my middle finger.

Do you realize how much you use your middle finger in daily life? I think things like paper cuts and mouth sores are so interesting. You never really appreciate how much you use your body until it makes you remember it is there, in this case, it puts me in pain.

Here is to you paper cuts, it is on.

standing on the shoulders

so this past week [officially starting last wednesday and ending sunday afternoon] was known to all ion my immediate family as "family week in champaign", why? Well i was blessed to be visited by my brother, Randy [wednesday to friday] then mom and dad [friday to sunday].

it is really times like this that i realize something, my family [brother, mom & dad] are really my best friends. The way things went down in the lutz house growing up was much more like a house of four roommates and not the traditional adversarial parent-child relationship, and i know that our bond as a family is stronger today because of it.

I have struggled with this for a while, is it weird that i view my family all as equals [minus the experience and age and what not]? I think it is because over our [randy and mine] years growing up our parents treated us with respect and trust. So in return we [usually, with a little bit of willful disobedience that all younger people have, now and then] treated them with respect too. So what came out of that was a love and feeling of closeness that we are so used to it is just second nature.

We do everything that you would expect best friends to do, go to movies, go to bars [soon at least], go to museums and so on. Hold on though, am i just catching on to this? Are every-one's parents their best friends? I don't think it is always the case.

i feel blessed. i love my family.

Ok, now i have some more time, sorry for the week hiatus, back to the rigor of my, whatever.

but really, the real point

Ok, i feel i had to break this into multiple parts, that last post was getting to long.

So, i had a great day and i did not let that little crap of Wal-Marts not having what i need get to me, should i have?

I mean, does that mean something? It is really difficult to get me angry/ pissed but should i get more sensitive?

Last week was rough [with work], both the hangers and my Thesis mid-term so i let some work slide until last night at very late and i was WAY not prepared for class today. I waited way to long to work on it and i felt shitty the only way to teach myself a lesson [the lesson being don't procrastinate] is to feel down about it and make this event stand out in my memory so i will remember not to do it again, right?

In an unrelated event, I missed my first deadline ever this semester, i mean really missed it. I was involved in a design competition at my university and i really screwed up my time management and tried to redesign my project in 5 days and as a result i could not even submit for the competition. I spent most of September working on this project, changed it at the last moment and then could not complete it. How did i deal with it? Just shrugged it off and have not touched it yet.

Part of me is very glad that i can let that go but i also want to pissed at myself for not doing what i had set out to do. ARGH! Don't get me wrong i was/ am pretty disappointed in myself for not submitting.

This semester has been really awakening [i know that might be getting repetitive, but it is true]. I have made several revelations about design in general and most of them have not even come from my architecture work this semester, all from my scenic design class. I love every person that is in that room every tuesday and thursday, i miss theatre so much. Oh god, am i in the wrong field? What a question, right? 6 months from graduating with my masters. . .

But, i digress.

So i am going to try something this week. I did not perform up to my standards today in my class so i am going to try and punish myself [not sure how yet]. We will see how this goes. I am going to go and shower and do some work.

my sunday, and how to make me happie

so, do you ever have those days when you feel nothing can bring you down? Even though you probably should be pissed or irked, you aren't? Well it was Sunday for me.

I woke up and i was in a pretty decent mood. I knew i was going to be driving to Clinton, Illinois for a Wal-Mart trip [more to follow] so i got up and decided i would spend some time cleaning up my apartment so i started iTunes and began to clean.

Everything was going well and then this song came on [i am listening to it again], "ladyflash" by The GO! Team. I hesitated for a second then burst into some sort of sublime uninhibited body moving. The song just drove my body crazy [in a great way] and i was dancing. I was literally unable to wipe the grin off my face for a good hour [swear to god].

So i got in my car and began to drive, 35 min west to Clinton, get there and had no hangers [Ok, so i am working on a group project in which we are using a 'mundane' material to construct a pavilion and the specific plastic hanger we need is only sold at Wal-Mart, but we need like 1000 of them, so we decided to spilt up and drive to different local Wal-Marts, i choose west]. Know what? Did not bring me down. I got in my car and drove the 20 minutes to Decatur. First Super-Store Wal-Mart, nothing. Drove another 10 minutes to Decatur Wal-Mart #2 and i found a pretty decent stash [200 hangers].

So the moral of the story is though is that i remained completely unstressed/ irritated. It was great. Then i drove 45 minutes back to Champaign and worked with my group till about 1am building a structure of hangers.

I had a great day, thank you, The GO! Team.


Don't believe the song will make you crap your pants it is so happie? Watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lT2Tq2rC9I

BTW - if any of you are in Champaign-Urbana and want to see our plastic hanger pavilion, come by Temple Hoyne Buell Hall and look in the atrium. Since it is a competition [secrecy and what not], i will post some pictures when the submission deadline passes.

i've found my... she's so far... she makes my head ...

This blog goes out to a special friend. Definitely one of the coolest, and most attractive i have met during my stay here in Champaign-Urbana. I am glad i know you and i really do want to hang out, even if that's all, you are great. This quote is for you....

I found my Soldier Girl
She's so far away
She makes my head spin around

I hope i see you around more.

my editor called, i was fired

Wow, i was so gung-ho about this blog a day for a week thing, DAMN! Ok so here we go, i am going to flake out on the challenge i set for myself.

What about next week? Welcome to the window into my life. This semester has been so weird. I mean i know some things have changed for me but i feel like my will to learn is gone, is that weird? Before, i had emily to talk to everyday and tell her all the things i was learning, now i don't. She was actually interested, i am was excited to talk to her on the phone at night when i learned something new. I mean i know i am learning new things everyday, and i am going along like i did last year but not it seems different. I enjoyed reporting to her, was i going to school to for someone else?

I knew that emily was one of the driving forces, she gave me so much confidence in myself to go out and get more education, i know she helped me more than i told her get through my first year. I know i am doing this for me, and i am committed to doing this and i am still excited about it, but it was so nice to share it with someone.

Is the someone my blog? What an idea! I guess i can try that, but it kind of seems like the prospect of talking to a brick wall, hmm, who knows.

Ok, well i am a few days behind, i am not quiting, again.

what if i was paid to blog

Ok, so what if i was paid to make a new entry everyday? I hear about all of these people who blog everyday, hmm. I usually wait to blog because i am dealing with an issue and don't blog because i can't put the feelings/ thoughts into words. One of the tactics i learned while trying to solve a design problem is just to brainstorm, read design theory, basically just "free write", draw, whatever. I don't blog like that, weird.

here is an experiment, i am going to try it for a week. Maybe multiple ones a day, who knows, maybe something special maybe something profound, all of my regulars [if there are some], will get to see.

Here is a run-down of what i will be working on this week;
1- My thesis mid-term is this upcoming Friday, lots of work here
2- Research presentation on my new show in my scene design class, Oedipus
3- I need to seek out some professors about letters of recommendations
4- I was denied residence in Illinois because they suck, i am going to appeal
5- free write, blog sessions.

Wow, what a week, eh? Here goes! Yay for Mondays!

ps - the trailer for "Sweeney Todd" came out this past week, watch it and wait!, double yay!
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809834155/video/4367764/standardformat/

my school list, final

Ok, so this represents the final list of schools i am going to apply to for my Masters of Urban Design. The three with the "++" represent the ones that i deem to be my favorites.

++01. Columbia University [New York, NY]
++02. University of Michigan [Ann Arbor, MI]
++03. University of Colorado [Denver, CO]
04. Harvard University [Cambridge, MA]
05. Washington University [Saint Louis, MO]
06. University of California [Berkeley, CA]
07. University of Arizona [Tucson, AZ]
08. University of Toronto [Toronto, Ontario]
09. Kent State University [Kent, OH]
10. University of Texas at Austin [Austin, TX]

Now i just have to find people to write those recommendation letters, get the applications in order and get that portfolio ready. I am looking forward to the application process, even thought i know it will take several months and be very nerve raking, i am still looking forward to it!

from the guest bedroom, in saint louis

The weekend i drove into Saint Louis, yay! I came into to see a very dear friend of mine act in a show, Corlene, her name is Nicole. The show was fantastic, i went with my brother, Randy and his friend Colin.

I think my favorite part of the weekend was hanging out after the show in my [parent's] backyard with Nicole, Randy and Colin. We just sat in the back and made s'mores and told stories, it was great, we all laughed.

Again making me nostalgic for Saint Louis, my family and my friends. So even though i am really excited for the rest of the semester i am also pretty excited to be back in Saint Louis for the Christmas holiday. I am excited about working at HOK this Christmas and excited about finding my next list of schools to apply to. I am excited at new prospects.

girls; part deux

so the more i think, i think i am better for not being an "expert" at reading things like the way girls look at you. I mean, if it was my job, if i were some sort of person that men paid to test the affections of thier spouse i would have to be good at it. But what is the point for a guy to get really fine developed skills of reading or understanding how to meet women?

It seems like you only have a fintie time to use those skills, if you use them all your life you obviously have not found that one person who can thrill you. You know?